Sex: Sometimes Less Is More

Sex is quite a phenomenon; it drives much of our society.  Movies, TV, music, and even video games are loaded with sex.  Most advertising, in one way or another, revolves around sex, even if it’s as subtle as using a sexy female spokesperson to sell some ugly Lincoln-Mercury in a commercial.  Why? Because sex sells.  And why shouldn’t it?  As far as I know sex is still a pretty popular thing.  It’s the one thing that we humans, no matter where we’re from, have in common.  We’re curious about it.  We love seeing it, hearing it, and learning about it.  It helps us grow sexually.  The majority of us love sex.  Even the ones that don’t like it all that much still have it once in a blue moon.  You married people know what I’m talking about.


The interesting thing is that although sex is such a public thing in society, most of us try to keep our sex lives as private as possible.  I mean, of course we talk to our friends about certain aspects of our sex lives, but we don’t go overboard, like playing recorded audio or showing video evidence. Some things are sacred.


In fact many people are so secretive about their sex lives to the point where they almost act as if they don’t do it all.  Who are they kidding!  Everyone we know has sex. Even some of your wrinkly ol’ grandparents.  Sorry if that just made you dry-heave but it’s true!  And it brings me to my point:  as great of a thing as sex is, sometimes there’re things about it you just don’t wanna know.

You have no idea how tough of a statement that is for me to say because hey, I’ll admit it — I love sex.  I’m fascinated by it, and when it comes to the interesting and, at times, hilarious ways men and women interact with each other when it comes to sex and dating, I want to know everything there is to know about it.  But sadly there’s an opposite side to everything. For all the cool things I’ve learned about sex, there’s been just as many freaky things that I wish an amnesia-induced head injury could make me forget.    

Think about it, guys. Do you really want to learn that your drinking buddy has a strap-on hidden in his sock drawer?  And ladies, do you really want to know that your best friend has a daddy fetish?  And I think I can speak for the majority of society when I say that those of us who’ve seen “Two Girls One Cup” wish we could erase it from our memory banks.  I still have post-traumatic stress from that one.

And who among us hasn’t experienced the terror of walking in on, or worse yet, being walked in on having sex?  Believe me, it’s not like on the Spice Channel where a hot coed orgy breaks out.  It’s always awkward.  Sometimes it’s worth laughing about, but often it’s something you wish never happened.  Imagine the horror of walking in on your parents going at it.  We go through our whole lives avoiding the thought that our parents have sex.  Believing I was delivered by the stork was perfectly fine with me.  Stumbling upon mom and dad locked in the crab position is something I would prefer going to the grave without experiencing.

As hard we may try to avoid it, sometimes we’re thrust into the sex lives of others whether we like it or not.  I once fought a fire at the house of a secretary who works for the town I worked for.  As we were fighting the fire in her bedroom, dildos began raining from the closet shelves like a waterfall.  She had more sex toys in there than a Cicero adult bookstore, including ball gags and a blow-up doll (which the fire deflated).  If you think I’m uncomfortable imagining this well over-the-hill woman in latex and holding an industrial-sized bottle of Astroglide, imagine how she feels whenever she sees us firemen.

Although I’m pretty open about talking about my sex life, even I don’t want some aspects of it known.  To this day I still drive two towns over to buy condoms because all the stores near my house have them locked up. Call me picky, but I don’t wanna have to ask an employee, “Can you unlock the condoms cabinet?” — especially since it’s always a little elderly woman who holds the only key to the thing.  She always gives me a look as if to say, “You should be ashamed of yourself, sonny.”  Whether I’m imaging it or not I still don’t want her knowing that much about my sex life and what I plan on doing with the economy 30-pack of lubricated Trojans.

So knowing a lot about sex is a good thing. It shows you have an open mind.  But there’s a quota on that.  Know where to draw the line.  Knowing even a tiny smidgen of someone else’s sex life can totally alter your perception of them — and maybe even your perception of sex.  Remember what curiosity did to the cat?  Don’t be the cat.

If you have any of your own horror stories about learning more than you wanted to about sex, or other people’s sex lives, I’d love to hear them.

You can find out more about Jon at and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & The Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at  You can email Jon at


11 Responses to Sex: Sometimes Less Is More

  1. not everyone we know is having sex. 😉

    some of us aren’t having any at all.

    but we still enjoy talking about it.

  2. Jon says:

    Very true that not everyone out there is having sex, and for those of us who LOVE having sex it’s just as painful to know there are people out there who don’t have it on purpose. It’s almost as painful as the horrifying things we learn about sex that I mentioned in my column. And thanks for the comment!!

  3. Ha! Who said those of us not having it don’t LOVE having it? We just have different ideas of context. 😉

    Thanks for your column. It’s already in my google reader daily.


  4. Jon says:

    It perplexes me that you can LOVE sex but not have it. That’s like saying I LOVE oxygen but I choose not to breathe 🙂 And thanks for adding me to your Google daily reader!!!

  5. Shamontiel says:

    I have no idea how to do the Google daily reader, but I’m trying to figure out how to subscribe to this blog because I know I’ll forget by next Monday. Speaking of that, what happened to 3/31/2008? They made you delete it or you didn’t write one? Anyway, as for the keep-it-to-yourself sex, my situation is a little different. Considering my second novel, Round Trip, is about HIV/AIDS on a college campus, I have to be way more open about protection and so forth when I talk to students. I’ve talked to various classes, and although I get the impression that the guys aren’t REALLY listening to me (especially when they ask me for my phone number and address right in front of the professors *shaking my head*), I can give them material to take home for later. Imagine talking to a class about correct condom usage and why condoms aren’t supposed to be baggy, but then shrinking up when they ask me a question about sex. Hell, I’ll answer if I can save somebody’s life.

  6. What’s perplexing? I LOVE sex so much that I place it on a pedestal that appreciates it for every aspect. I understand the vulnerabilities involved in sex and all that takes place in the male/female bodies and minds during sex. I LOVE sex so much that I’d rather hold out to savor each of these aspects in the context where they can flourish the most and be embraced more fully.

    It’s more like saying I LOVE oxygen so much that I won’t live where the air is thin.

  7. Jonny I. says:


    To be honest, I have no idea how to subscribe to it too! Maybe you can email my producer Marcus and he can tell you how to do it…has something to do with an RS feed. His email is I skipped a week on 3/31 because I was busy with this TV thing. Long story. Although I’m gonna be more than weekly. I’m gonna try to write a shorter column every 3 days so check in often.

    I give you mad props for being the advocate for the safe sex thing. Yeah it’s sad that college boys still aren’t big on the safe sex thing, or are embarrassed to talk about it to be better informed. We should try to get you to do girl talk with Dr. Laura Berman about that exact issue in a podcast.

    Thanks for the comment!

  8. Jonny I. says:


    Haha nice comeback on the oxygen line!

    Still not sure I can agree with loving sex so much that you choose not to have it. But hey, if it works for you then how can it be wrong? right?

    Thanks for the comment!

  9. I think you might be misunderstanding the point of abstaining as I do… it’s not that I’m choosing not to ever have sex, but that I choose the context of when I have it. I’m for sex, but within different dynamics.

  10. Jon says:

    No I totally get that you have your reasons–doesn’t mean I can’t give you a hard time about it! It’s like the friend who has am awesome Harley sitting in his garage but he never rides it. I tease him too!! 🙂

  11. nice! at least you’ve figured out I’m a Harley. 🙂

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