The Dish on Why Some Guys Pay to Play

Not sure if you’ve heard or not, but recently exited New York governor Eliot Spitzer AKA “Customer No. 9” was recently busted in a sex scandal for patronizing a prostitute.  Of course you’ve heard!  It’s only been on every freakin’ TV, radio, and internet news source since it went down.  And why?  Because we Americans have a fascination with something the Germans call “schadenfreude” which means “to take pleasure in other people’s misfortunes.”  We love seeing celebrities and politicians’ lives in shambles.  We need it like crack.

Trust me, I’m as sick of writing about it as much as I am hearing about it, but I have to chime in on this one to come to ‘ol Spitz’s defense from all the so-called moral conservatives and psychoanalysts who love making appearances on news shows to explain why Spitzer did what he did.  They talk about how a man as driven and powerful as Spitzer, who made his mark as a ruthless crime fighter, had no choice but to become the very thing he condemns and that deep down in his psyche he wanted to get caught.

What a load of crap.

This may come as a shock but not everything men do has a psychiatric explanation leading back to some Freudian hypothesis about how mommy and daddy didn’t give him enough hugs as a child.  Sometimes men just do stupid things when it comes to sex.  Ladies, you have no idea what a horny man is capable of.  The prospect of hot nasty sex can reduce a pretty intelligent dude into a lobotomized babbling idiot.  Some will drive an hour at 3 am in below-zero weather if a booty call asks him to.  Others will have sex in their fire truck even though they know it can get them fired (hey, I didn’t say me!)  And yes, some will even cheat on their wives and risk their job as governor of one of the most powerful states in the country.  Sometimes the little head does all the thinking for the big head.  There’s no explaining it.

Now the generalization is that men hire prostitutes because they’re desperate and can’t get sex any other way—and I’m sure that’s true in a lot of cases.  But I think the bigger picture is that some guys pay for sex simply because they’re willing to pay for quality.  After all, I could go to Denny’s and get a steak, but I’d much rather go to Morton’s and pay a little extra for it.  It’s the same with those high-priced escorts.  Maybe Spitzer’s wife sucks in bed.  Maybe she, like many married women, stopped giving him oral sex years ago.  Maybe “Kristin” was willing to do things to him that we common folk only get to read about in “Penthouse Letters.”  If you’re wealthy like Spitzer $4,300 isn’t a lot to pay for a little freaky-deeky.

Ain’t buying it?  Well chew on this:  sure Spitzer is a bald nerdy-lookin’ dude, but he held a very high position of power, and power is a big turn-on to a lot of women.  I fathom to guess Spitz could have gotten laid pretty easily if he wanted to.  But instead of settling for your standard run-of-the-mill New York trim he opted for the high-priced bad girl.  Why?  Quality, my friends, quality.

And speaking of his wife, how do we really know she wasn’t aware of Spitz’s little hooker hobby all along?  I know it sounds absurd at first, but remember there was talk that Spitzer could one day become President of the United States.  If you had a good shot at becoming first lady wouldn’t you stick around and look the other way?

Maybe some men pay for sex simply because it’s not that big a deal.  Prostitution is legal in many countries, but Americans are so uptight about sex that we can’t grasp that concept.  We think it’s dirty, demoralizing, and destined to destroy society—except, of course, when Julia Roberts plays one in a chick flick like “Pretty Woman.”  Then we call it the feel good movie of the year.  Go figure.

Even with it being illegal in this country getting busted patronizing a prostitute is only a misdemeanor.  And it’s not like “Kristin” was sold into prostitution as a young child or was given a nightly beat-down by a mink coat-wearing pimp.  She made over $80,000 from Spitzer over a few years.  She was doing pretty well for herself.  Sure sounds like a victimless crime to me.

So while I can understand why Spitzer and other men pay for sex, I don’t agree with what he did.  Of course cheating is wrong, but we don’t know the whole scoop on their marriage either.  And of course with having three young daughters at home he should have used a little better judgment.  But hey, at least he got busted with a somewhat hot chick and not another dude in an airport bathroom, or worse yet, a very unhot chunky White House intern.  Who would do something as stupid as that?

You can find out more about Jon at and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & The Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at  You can email Jon at  



9 Responses to The Dish on Why Some Guys Pay to Play

  1. I’d say it has much more to do with power than anything else. If I own it, I can do what I please. It’s a position of control, quality or not. The same motivation that makes a man stroll the streets for a corner girl…it becomes something that they “own”. Same for women who would hire a man.

    Purchasing gives you property rights.


  2. Jon says:

    Thanks, Elizabeth. I’m not sure I subscribe to the whole “owing it” thing. I assure you that just because you pay a prostitute DOES NOT mean she’ll let you do whatever you want with her. In fact, they are very specific about what you can do for what you paid them. Paying for sex doesn’t give you power. In fact, SHE holds the power because you are paying her. You are seeking something from HER. She runs the entire interaction, not the john. I maintain that in most cases, as it probably does with the Spitzer case, it’s just about the sex.

    Thanks for the comment!!

  3. Shamontiel says:

    I’m linking your page to my “Notable Links.” I didn’t realize how much I’d miss your bold views until now. Anyway, 1) Julia Roberts was great in “Pretty Woman” because no one believed she was this grungy, dirty whore. When we watched the movie, folks like me went, “Her hair is so cute like that” regardless of wearing f*ck-em girl heels. It was like watching Halle Berry as a crackhead in “Jungle Fever.” Viewers spent more time looking at Berry’s cheekbones and talking about how pretty she was than thinking she was a dirty crackhead. By the way, you have issues if you need crack like you need celebrity gossip. 2) I’m so tired of people comparing politics to sex lives. I guess for those who believe that religion and politics work together, I can understand the finger wagging because politicians are sworn in to do their jobs and such, right? But I could care less if a man is getting head in the oval office. Let’s talk about the economy. 3) I was watching my favorite political show, Real Time with Bill Maher, and he said one guest had been around too many women if he thought that men wanted to get caught for having sex with prostitutes. I agreed with him when he said men may do it just to get off, and if there’s anybody who knows a man’s body, it would more than likely be a prostitute. However, by him being a government official, I’m concerned because of so many STDs in the world. It’s unfair to his wife. I hope he used condoms.

  4. Jon,

    Disagree. She has become a product for consumption the minute the currency is in play. You can fool yourself into believing she holds the power, but she merely provides the product. I’m not suggesting that anything goes, but certainly the mindset is on…you get what you pay for, it becomes “yours”.

    It’s commercialism. Plain and simple. Basic economics of supply/demand are in play and power is something the consumer holds in this venue as with any other. You might suggest the storefront holds the power because they are the ones carrying the merchandise, but it’s simply not true. Once a product is purchased the consumer has the property rights.

    If it were just about the sex, then there would be no need to venture into the marketplace anyway, as close to half the men engaging in the purchase already have partners.

    It’s an aspect of the sex they aren’t getting elsewhere, including the power they don’t have with their partner. Even if just to have a woman provide a pleasure their partner won’t. That’s power and property.

    Thanks for the column. 🙂

  5. Jon says:


    Aww thanks for the kind words about missing me. It’s nice to be loved (or at least kind of liked).

    While I seem to have a need for prostitutes at this point in my life, I have nothing against them, whether they look like Halle Berry or a crack whore. As long as they aren’t forced into it or are spreading HIV then as I stated before, it’s a victimless crime. And I agree that i couldn’t care less if a politician is getting head in the Oval Office or not, as long as he isn’t using public funds — and as long as he’s good at his job. After all, it’s a sad day in this country when you can’t use a position of power to get laid haha.

    And Bill Maher is also one of my fav shows. You watch–I’ll be on that panel one day!!

    Thanks for the comment.

  6. Jonny I. says:


    Hmm…I wish you could be a fly on the wall when a guy is “negotiating” with a prostitute, such as in vegas, or an upper end escort service and see who is REALLY in charge of the interaction. They are some of the most powerful women you’ll ever see. Trust me when I tell you this girl had him wrapped around her finger. He owned nothing of the sort.

    And sure these men could get sex from their partners, but the whole point was to get some sort of sex that they couldn’t get from their partners…like something freaky or fantasy-like. All sex isn’t the same, and if you want something extravagent sometimes you have to pay for it. It’s not as deep as people think.

    Thanks for yet another comment. You rock!

  7. I’m not discounting that merchants have power. I’m talking about consumerism, commercialism. And let’s not assume I’m not familiar with the process.

    Basic economics. Consumer holds the power. Everytime.

    you rock too. 😉

  8. Jon says:


    Ask the oil companies, Com Ed, Nicor, etc. who holds the power…the consumer or the merchants? In many cases the consumer can make or break a company, but not with central infrastructure services, and to many, sex is an essential service. You can’t clump ALL goods and services into one ideology. Sex isn’t an ECON class!! 🙂

  9. maybe it ought to be. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: