So the other day I’m doing the morning crossword puzzle and I had VH1 on in the background, which was playing a video from a new band called A Fine Frenzy. I couldn’t help but notice the lyrics to the song playing in the background. And then it hit me: she was singing about me!
For clarification, regardless how big my ego seems at times, this wasn’t a case of narcissism gone amuck. The fairly hot redhead in the band wasn’t singing about ME per say, but about guys like me – or should I say guys women THINK are like me. It’s a sad state of affairs.
The name of the song is “Almost Lover” and if you read the lyrics you’ll notice it’s about a girl who gets heartbroken by a guy. I know — another one of those, right? Well the difference with this one is she’s heartbroken not because of something the dude did, but because of her foolish assumptions. You see, she thought the relationship was more serious than it was because of the great way he treated her, even though in his eyes it was just a casual thing – hence him being dubbed an “almost lover.” And here, as they say, lies the rub.
If I had a dime for every time this happened to me I’d be able to call Bill Gates a broke chump. For “almost lovers” like myself it’s lose-lose. You see, I make a point to treat every girl I date special regardless of the status of the relationship. If it’s a serious thing or just casual, I don’t discriminate; they all get the same quality treatment. Nice right? Wrong. Like the redheaded hottie in A Fine Frenzy, women often misinterpret the special treatment as a sign of me wanting things to be way more serious than it is.
The big stink of it all is if the relationship is casual I make it known right away in the beginning. So when it all goes south later on and I wonder where the hell the drama came from, I remind her that I was very clear from Jump Street that it was just a casual thing. They usually respond with, “I know you did, but I figured you changed your mind based on your actions.” That’s the Catch-22. If I treat them bad from the beginning then I’m a big jerk, but if I treat them great and they misinterpret it as me wanting to take the relationship up a notch only to find out later that I don’t then I’m still the big jerk. It’s like a Greek tragedy.
So that’s what gives birth to us “almost lovers.” We’re guys who treat women special as if we’re in serious relationship with them, but really aren’t. More importantly, we don’t pretend to be. We’re open and upfront about things being just casual. It’s an error on her part, not ours.
I suppose the only two solutions to this “almost lover” debacle is either One, treat women a lot worse so they don’t think you have stronger feelings for her, or Two, ladies make sure you don’t read into his actions. If the great way he treats you conflicts with his announcement of relationship casualness it doesn’t necessarily mean he had a change of heart. Just ask him. Assume nothing. For the sanity of everyone involved, and the reduction of my hate mail, I suggest option number Two.
You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can email Jon at firstname.lastname@example.org.