My sperm is in pretty high demand.
Wait, don’t go there. Let me explain. It seems the people in Austria are running low on sperm. I’m not exactly sure where all the sperm went, but they’re in need of more and they seem to believe their only savior is firefighters – or at least our sperm.
An Austrian sperm bank manager, or teller, or whatever he is, explains that firefighters have “very pleasing sperm” and they’d rather have ours then the sperm of a donor who looks like Brad Pitt. That’s how good we firefighters’ sperm is. How good is it? Well it’s worth about 70 Euros, which converts to about $110.57 a shot (no pun intended). Man, to think of all that money washed down my shower drain!
As flattering as the demand for my sperm is, I have a little piece of advice for our friends in Austria: go for the Brad Pitt-guy sperm instead. The fact of the matter is, the majority of firefighters out there don’t have the female firefighter-fantasy chiseled Matthew McConaughey look. Rather, a good majority of them sport the same look as my 250-pound shift mate, complete with no identifiable hair style and a moustache that should’ve been shaved off somewhere around 1995. It’s not pretty, folks. It’s not pretty.
Now I don’t mean to rip on firefighters; after all I am one. But since I’m against most stereotypes, I want to let the unsuspecting fertile women of Austria know what they might be in for. If you’re looking for that mystery sperm to produce a bambino with tons if inner beauty, then a firefighter is the way to go. But if you think that you’re going to get an offspring that jumped right out of the annual “Hottest Firefighter” calendar, then the joke’s gonna be on you.
Sound ridiculous? I agree. It all relates to how silly it is that some women find certain guys attractive simply because of their jobs – like firefighters, doctors, fighter pilots, etc. I understand why those types of jobs can be attractive to women, but so much so that it makes some want our sperm too? Silliness.
I think the point I’m trying to make here is to quit with the stereotypes already. If you wanna have sex with a guy, do it because you’re into him, not because he’s a firefighter. Imagine your disappointment, ladies, when you end up with a firefighter who sucks in bed. And if you’re looking to make a withdrawal from the local sperm bank, do it because you really want a baby, not because you think your firefighter mega-sperm is going to produce an Olympian athlete or Nobel Peace Prize winner.
Or hell, maybe I should come down from the soap box and get with the program. I have a somewhat active sex life. This could be a nice little side gig for me. No more freebees ladies now that my little super-swimmers are a hot commodity. From this point on when you come to visit make sure you bring $110.57 (no personal checks, please). We are open for business!
Learn more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can email Jon at firstname.lastname@example.org.