Wanna Be a Serial Dater? It’ll Cost You

May 19, 2008

Not long ago a date sarcastically asked me if it was expensive being a “serial dater.”  The answer was simple:  “Hell yes!”

Good dates require legal tender, and last time I checked all those crab cakes and bottles of wine don’t pay for themselves.  But I’m not complaining.  Far from it.  After all, if you want to date regularly, and be successful at it it’s the cost of doing business.


One particular reason why being a regular dater is so expensive is because I usually do the paying.  And I’m not complaining about that either.  Not only am I happy to do it but in many ways it’s required.


As much as women deny it, most believe that a guy who doesn’t pay, or at least make a legitimate effort to offer to pay, is cheap.  In asking several girls, they said cheap men are the ultimate turn-off. 


I can’t really blame them.  I can’t stand cheap people either.  But for all you cheap dudes out there I’ll offer this advice:  if you want to be successful with the gals you can’t be cheap.  If a girl pulls money out of her purse creating the façade that she’s going to pay her share, you better not take it.  She’ll be turned off.  What’s worse, if you actually ask her for her half of the check you might as well throw your condoms away; you won’t be needing them anytime soon.

Now I’m not implying that women are money-grubbers and that it’s an unspoken ultimatum that if you don’t pay, you don’t play.  It’s not about the money.  It’s about what being cheap says about you.

One girl I polled said that if a guy is cheap, it says that he’s self-absorbed and selfish. And he’s probably that way in bed, too.  She thinks that they’re the type of men who in marriage says, “What’s mine is mine”.  The translation:  “No sex for you, Cheapo”.  Women are very analytical.  They find meaning in everything.


Some women out there insist on paying their own way because, they say, they don’t want the guy to think he’ll get sex just because he paid for dinner.  How silly is that?  In this day and age, do guys really expect that?  Call me crazy, girls, but if you think that’s a possibility then why are you going out with someone like that in the first place?


It might be old fashioned to say the guy should do the paying, but that’s the way it is.  It’s the politics of dating.  That same girl told me she never expects a guy to pay, yet is still turned off when he lets her pay.  Confused?  Yeah me too, but it wouldn’t be the first time women were accused of being confusing. 


So tell her to put her money away.  Insist on it.  Only the cheapies do the contrary.  Try not to complain about the cost of the lobster bisque she ordered when you get the check.  It won’t go over so well, and it definitely will do nothing for your love life.  Look at it as an investment – and you don’t need Charles Schwab to tell you that good investments may cost a little money now, but they’ll pay big dividends later. 


You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex.  You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.com






When it Comes to Sex There’s No Place Like Home

May 11, 2008

In sports, the home field advantage is coveted.  Teams do whatever it takes to secure the home field advantage for the playoffs.  Chicago is no exception.  At Wrigley the Cubs have the advantage with the rowdy bleacher crowd getting under the opposing teams’ skin with their relentless heckling.  The frigid Chicago weather is an advantage for the Bears when they host opponents visiting from warmer climates.  And the Blackhawks?  Well ok, they suck no matter where they play.  But you get the point.


The home field advantage is just as valuable in the game of sex as it is in sports.  When it’s time to close the deal with a girl and the age-old question, “Your place or mine?” pops up, I always choose “mine.”  Like athletes you have more confidence on your home soil.  Unfortunately we don’t have the cheering spectators to boost our confidence as they do in sports, although I did see my neighbors looking in my window once.


One of the biggest advantages, especially if you’re already at home before your guest comes over, is that you don’t have to drive anywhere.  One girl I dated lived in Gurnee.  That’s like almost to the Canadian border!  I hate driving, so if I can get the girl to come to me then it’s a score in and of itself.  Think about it:  when you order a pizza, would you rather pick it up or have it delivered?  Enough said.


How bout when you get that 2 a.m. phone call and she invites you to her place.  Now you have to get up, get dressed, blah blah blah.  With the home field advantage, you don’t even have to get out of bed.  If I know the girl well, I’ll tell her to just walk right in and come upstairs.  Then I unlock the door, jump back in bed, and get a few more minutes of shuteye until I wake up to her climbing in bed.  It’s like breakfast in bed with room service!


One thing I hate about going to her place is deciding when to leave afterwards.  I don’t want her thinking, “Man, when’s he leaving so I can go to sleep?”  When she’s at my place, that burden is on her.  My only decision is which side of the bed I want to sleep on.


The home field advantage also makes it a lot easier to provide protection.  At home I just have to reach for the “condom drawer.”  But when you’re at her place it’s not that easy.  I’m not the type of guy to carry condoms in my pocket.  That’s just tacky.  So what’s the alternative?  Well once I had to stop in the middle of foreplay, run down three flights of stairs half-dressed out into the cold to the car to get a condom.  By the time I got back to her I was so freakin’ cold that it took a while to get back in the swing of things.  Ever see a racehorse break stride during a race?  It’s an uphill battle from that point on.  That was me.


And at my place I’m more familiar with all the hot spots.  I know the good couches to have sex on.  I know that my bed is a good spot because it has a headboard you can grab onto.  I know which of the two showers give the most hot water.  I don’t know crap about her place.  I’d have to explore like Lewis and Clark but my place is already mapped out!


So you can see how having the home field advantage is truly an advantage.  If it’s a fact that athletes perform worse on the road than at home, why wouldn’t you use the same philosophy?  When it comes to sex Dorothy was right when she said, “There’s no place like home.”


Find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex.  You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.com.