Not long ago a date sarcastically asked me if it was expensive being a “serial dater.” The answer was simple: “Hell yes!”
Good dates require legal tender, and last time I checked all those crab cakes and bottles of wine don’t pay for themselves. But I’m not complaining. Far from it. After all, if you want to date regularly, and be successful at it it’s the cost of doing business.
One particular reason why being a regular dater is so expensive is because I usually do the paying. And I’m not complaining about that either. Not only am I happy to do it but in many ways it’s required.
As much as women deny it, most believe that a guy who doesn’t pay, or at least make a legitimate effort to offer to pay, is cheap. In asking several girls, they said cheap men are the ultimate turn-off.
I can’t really blame them. I can’t stand cheap people either. But for all you cheap dudes out there I’ll offer this advice: if you want to be successful with the gals you can’t be cheap. If a girl pulls money out of her purse creating the façade that she’s going to pay her share, you better not take it. She’ll be turned off. What’s worse, if you actually ask her for her half of the check you might as well throw your condoms away; you won’t be needing them anytime soon.
Now I’m not implying that women are money-grubbers and that it’s an unspoken ultimatum that if you don’t pay, you don’t play. It’s not about the money. It’s about what being cheap says about you.
One girl I polled said that if a guy is cheap, it says that he’s self-absorbed and selfish. And he’s probably that way in bed, too. She thinks that they’re the type of men who in marriage says, “What’s mine is mine”. The translation: “No sex for you, Cheapo”. Women are very analytical. They find meaning in everything.
Some women out there insist on paying their own way because, they say, they don’t want the guy to think he’ll get sex just because he paid for dinner. How silly is that? In this day and age, do guys really expect that? Call me crazy, girls, but if you think that’s a possibility then why are you going out with someone like that in the first place?
It might be old fashioned to say the guy should do the paying, but that’s the way it is. It’s the politics of dating. That same girl told me she never expects a guy to pay, yet is still turned off when he lets her pay. Confused? Yeah me too, but it wouldn’t be the first time women were accused of being confusing.
So tell her to put her money away. Insist on it. Only the cheapies do the contrary. Try not to complain about the cost of the lobster bisque she ordered when you get the check. It won’t go over so well, and it definitely will do nothing for your love life. Look at it as an investment – and you don’t need Charles Schwab to tell you that good investments may cost a little money now, but they’ll pay big dividends later.
You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can email Jon at firstname.lastname@example.org.