Last week I was asked to guest speak about sex, dating, and relationships at a monthly event for Gals Guide.com at J-Bar. To read more on it check out my Street Team blog. As fun as the event was I noticed a very interesting and puzzling thing as the night progressed and the drinks were a-flowin’. Blagica and Sarah, the women running the event, both said the ladies had a great time and many made statements about how good looking I was, how nice I was, etc., followed up with statements wondering why the hell I was single.
Now I don’t bring this up to brag that women think I’m very attractive. In fact to the contrary I think I have a face that would scare small children, but that’s beside the point. The point I’m making is an argument that I’ve made before, and am always fascinated by: that people assume if you’re “normal” in every other way but single there must be something wrong with you. The women asking with surprise, “Why the hell is he single,” is proof to that.
They wouldn’t ask that question if they weren’t expecting an answer such as, “He has committment issues,” or “He just got out of a bad relationship,” or “He’s a player,” or “He’s gay” — all false, although one woman there did ask me if I was gay.
While there is no palpable reason why I’m single, the sad truth is that the general population believes that if you’re in your late twenties or early thirties and are still single there must be something wrong with you — that you’re flawed in some way. They think you’re a player just out for sex, you can’t commit, or have some character flaw that prevents any member of the opposite sex from wanting anything to do with you. Hogwash!
I’m not all that surprised really. After all, women are very analytical. They ask “why” to trivial things way more than they need to–sorta like toddlers do. Women hear, “I’m single” and immediately think, “Hmm he might be suspect.” Men hear, “I’m single” and immediately think, “Cool, I can have sex with her without a jealous boyfriend coming after me.” Over thinking is OK in some situations, ladies, such as deciding if White Castle at 3 am is a good idea or not, but the “I’m single” situation isn’t one of them. Sometimes it is what it is.
What ever happened to being selective before you jump into a relationship? Or maybe you’re so busy that you can’t provide the time a good relationship requires. Maybe you simply haven’t met the right girl. George Clooney’s been single forever; you don’t hear anyone saying he’s broken do ya? Yet another similarity between me and George.
So ladies, when a seemingly decent dude tells you he’s single don’t be so quick to be suspicious like you’re getting an awesome price on a car and asking, “Hmm what’s the catch?” Sometimes there isn’t one. How bout this: if you’re curious why we’re single, just ask. I know forthright communication between men and women is a radical idea, but it’s been known to happen.
You can learn more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.comand make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can email Jon at firstname.lastname@example.org.