Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You

As any relationship guru will tell you, the key to any successful relationship is communication.  Believe it or not, the same goes for casual sex and dating.  Certainly good communication seems pretty simple on the surface, but the fact of the matter is that about 80% of the world’s population is stupid.  Casual dating drama is usually caused by vital information not getting from Point A to Point B.

This is never more true than when guys can’t read between the lines with what the girl they’re dating is telling them — especially when being dumped.  Now of course all the blame doesn’t lie with the dense guy.  When a girl is giving a dude his walking papers she should just say it outright.  But not everyone is comfortable giving the truth, especially when it’s something as uncomfortable as saying, “Call me never.”  So what the girl usually does is give vague details about why she hasn’t called, like she’s been busy, hasn’t been feeling well, cat died, etc.  But what she’s really saying is, “don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

For whatever reason though some men don’t get it.  Maybe they have a crappy ability of reading vibes, or they’re in denial that their girl is moving on to greener pastures.  Either way, the end result is the poor sap doing the endless texts and unreturned calls, which transforms him from the guy she used to dig to the desperate chump who can’t take a hint.

So guys, in the interests of saving some face and a little bit of frustration, use your instincts to tell yourself that when something doesn’t seem quite right with your girl — it probably isn’t.  Realize that when she’s giving you every excuse in the book not to see or talk to you or text it might as well be her saying, “Don’t call me I’ll call you.”  And follow those unspoken words as gospel.  If she does call you then things are just fine.  If she doesn’t then you were right.  Where I come from that’s called win-win.  

You can find out more about Jon at and make sure to check out his podcast “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at  You can email Jon at


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