Beware of Sexual False Advertising

July 28, 2008

Through a mixture of experience and conceit I’m pretty sure I got the whole sex and dating thing down pretty well.  Even so, every now and then something in the crazy world of sex and dating throws me for a loop.  I know…hard to believe, but true.

Here’s the scenario:  you have a booty call relationship with someone where they basically come over way after sundown for sex.  It’s not JUST sex, mind you.  There is a little hanging out, chatting, and catching up before the clothes go a-flyin’.  You both know what the relationship is and you’re cool with it.  It’s all good, right?  Well…

Once in a blue moon one of these people will contact you for a would-be booty call and here’s how the convo goes:  Her:  “Want some company?”  You:  “Sure, come on by.”  Her:  “You sure it’s not too late?”  You:  Nope,  definitely come by”  Her:  “Ok, just so you know, though, it’s that time of the month.”

Silence.

That’s what we in the sex and dating biz call false advertising.  She used the unwritten protocol of asking if I want company, which in the past with her has ALWAYS meant “do you want me to come over for sex” to corner me into a non-sex hang-out session.  She dangled the bait and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Granted they may do this unintentionally with no sinister motives, but it doesn’t make the advertising any less false.

Intentional or not, it’s false advertising because the late-night visit offer after a night out drinking with her friends implies sex.  Why?  Because every other sexual encounter with her started the exact same way.  She drops the time of the month bombshell only after I’m all in.  Now I’m obligated; there’s no turning back.  If I say, “Oh it is?  Umm…well let’s save it for another time then,” then I look like a major a-hole.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like a non-sex visit with them is horrible. In fact it’s cool to hang out with them sometimes — just maybe not THAT night.  Maybe I don’t wanna watch a movie.  Maybe I don’t wanna have idle chit-chat about how my last shift at the firehouse was.  Maybe I was just in the mood for sex.  It was the classic bait and switch.

Sure it sounds harsh, but that’s the way the world works…at least the sex and dating world.  And for you haters out there, don’t go assuming I expect sex every time a gal drops by.  So not true.  If a booty call asks on a non-sex occasion to just hang out that’s completely fine.  I like chillin’ too.  But mention it right away; don’t present the offer similar to every other sexual visit and then drop the no sex disclaimer when it’s too late to back out.  It’s like offering me ice cream and when I say, “yes” you say, “well too bad, I don’t have any.” 

In corporate America businesses can get sued for false advertising.  While I don’t suggest something that harsh where sex is concerned, steps should still be taken to avoid it.  Be open and upfront about what the late night visit is about to avoid any drama later.  If you’re close enough to have sex with the person then there should be no awkwardness in telling them right away if sex going to be part of the itinerary.  That way there’ll be less disappointment, less misunderstandings, and maybe even less lawsuits.

You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.comand make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex.  You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.com

Advertisements

I’m Too Good for Bad Dates

July 21, 2008

Recently I was chatting with a female friend about how she’s had a stretch of bad dates lately.  After hearing every grisly gut-wrenching detail of the dates she was right; they WERE bad dates.  As sorry as I was for her I do always get a perverted thrill in hearing other people’s dating misery.  What can I say; I’m easilly entertained.

So my expert opinion for her was that the dates were definitely bad because of the dudes — they were lame-o’s.  But imagine her surprise when I then told her that in the end, it was her fault.

And that goes for all of you out there who go on continuous runs of bad dates.  Maybe you weren’t the one who made them bad, but it’s definitely your fault.  Why?  Most likely it’s because of your poor selection skills when it comes to accepting who you’ll date.  I got news for you:  just because someone asks doesn’t mean you have to go out with them. 

Take me for example.  Life is WAY too short to go on bad dates.  And yes, I’m not shy in proclaiming that I’m too good for bad dates.  Conceited, you say?  Maybe.  But I’ll hazard to guess that if more people were as selective as me they’d have a lot less dating woes.

I’m of the opinion that, at least in my world, 85% of the population is undateable for one reason or another.  That leaves the remaining 15% for me to sift through.  But since that’s such a low percentage it means you date a lot less–and THAT’S where people get themselves in trouble.

Some people think dating success is determined by volume.  They feel confident if their dating calendar is full.  They think if they’re not going on dates then they’re a loser.  But the reality is that dating is all about quality not quantity.  I’ll take sitting on the couch in my underwear watching Family Guy and eating mac and cheese out of the pan over a bad date any day of the week–and feel totally secure in my dating life doing it.  That’s why I don’t have many bad date stories.  I go for top shelf.  I’m a 15% kinda guy.

Granted women complain about bad dates far more than men, not just because women are normally over-critical than they need to be, but because men are so clueless sometimes that they can’t recognize a bad date if it sucker punched them in the face.  And besides, men will tolerate much more punishment on a bad date, especially if the chick is hot or there’s potential to get laid.

So come on people; be a little more selective will ya?!?  Don’t just date for dating’s sake.  Up your standards a bit or accept less questionable dates and maybe your bad date horror stories will diminish.  Sure it won’t be as entertaining for me but if it helps you, what the hell.

Find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.comand make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex Page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex.  You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.com 


The Fireman & the Shrink Face the Women of Gals’ Guide

July 14, 2008

A couple of weeks ago, me and my partner-in-crime Dr. Paul — a.k.a. the Fireman & the Shrink– were asked to speak about what we know best: sex, dating, and relationships, at a monthly event for Gals’ Guide.com. I did a post about it on my NBC Street Team blog but many of my readers were asking for to me post here on Sex 9-1-1 as well, so here it is!!!

Gal’s Guide is a Chicago-based Web site created specifically for women making the sometimes daunting transition from college life to big city life, and gives street smart, real world advice on finances, job searching, apartment hunting, beauty and fashion, and my favorite of them all — sex, dating, and relationships.


Slideshow: Diva Series Event


The event was hosted by J-Bar, promoted by my good friend Sarah Vargo of Sarah Vargo Promotions, and was executed flawlessly by Gals’ Guide’s creator and fellow Street Team member Blagica Bottigliero. It was a ton of fun. I mean come on, I was in a room filled with women discussing sex — how couldn’t it?? Click here to check out pictures of the event taken by the very talented photographer Leora Zellman.

Paul and I got to speak to the women and answer their very candid questions in our fun Fireman & the Shrink style. I was even put in the hot seat a few times answering questions about what I thought of women who “put out” on the first date, whether I’ve ever used my job as a fireman to get laid, and even if I was gay. And of course Dr. Paul wowed ’em with all that scientific stuff that oozes from his psyche like molasses.

Admittedly, even for me it can be a little intimidating speaking in front of so many women when you write what I write, or say what I say. I didn’t know if I would get out of there alive. But the women were totally cool with any subject matter, and even initiated it. I think I somehow even managed to not piss off or offend as many women as I thought I would. I think that’s a testament to the Gals’ Guide’s members. The site enables strength in women, and that was apparent by the strong secure women that attended the event. But don’t take my word for it. You should check ’em out for yourself!

You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex and relationship content on NBC5’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and email him at sex911@nbc5.com.


When the Ethical Collides with the Physical

July 7, 2008

One of the most common questions I get from readers who are frustrated with the whole dating scene is, “Other than bars or the internet, how the hell do you meet people these days?!?”  My answer?  Stop stressing about meeting someone and stop “looking”; you meet potential dates when you least expect it in the least likely places.

Don’t buy it?  Well check this out. A while back I went to the dentist for a cleaning, and as luck would have it, my hygienist was pretty smokin’.  We began flirting with each other right from Jump Street.  While she was grinding on my teeth, I was strategizing how to make the transition from patient to potential date.  After all, she did already have her hand in my mouth which is a form of foreplay isn’t it?

But because a good opportunity didn’t really present itself, I figured I’d worry about it later and just left.  But then I get a voice mail later in the day from the hygienist’s co-worker telling me that she was talking about me when I left, was wondering if I was single, and if I was interested to give her a call.  Pleasantly surprised because the hard work was done for me, I called back.

To make a long story short, the hygienist and I started dating, and one night we talked about how funny it was how we met, etc.  But after thinking about it some more, I realized she learned a lot about me from seeing my patient chart, which in the medical world, is pretty unethical, and in some cases when you release patient information to others, it’s illegal.  Now I didn’t have anything to hide in my chart, and its actually kinda flattering that she was interested enough about me to look, but what if I was some dude who WOULD get pissed off at someone checking out my chart to get a date?

So exactly where does your physical attraction to someone trump ethics?  Sure, anything worth having is worth a little risk, but it’s amazing that someone would be willing to risk her career because she’s interested in someone.  The hygienist has a really cool boss, so he would never care if he knew she did it, but not everyone is so lucky.  I personally know firemen and paramedics who have been disciplined and even fired for getting hot patients’ phone numbers from their ambulance reports and contacting them afterward.  I know cops who saw a hot chick on the road and ran their license plates to find out about them.  And don’t even get me started on lawyers who date their clients.  Kinda gives new meaning to being screwed by your lawyer, doesn’t it?

Certainly some people who do the chart-peeking thing because they don’t know it’s wrong, but the rest probably do it because they feel it’s worth the risk, especially if you feel chemistry or a connection with the person.  I’m not condoning it, of course; let your conscience be your guide.  But take a little risk and you might land yourself a hot hygienist too.  It gives a whole new meaning to “gettin’ a little oral” doesn’t it?

You can hear more on the whole ethical vs. physical debate on my “Fireman & the Shrink” podcast by clicking here.

You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.com and make sure to check out his podcast “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex.  You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.com