Recently I was chatting with a female friend about how she’s had a stretch of bad dates lately. After hearing every grisly gut-wrenching detail of the dates she was right; they WERE bad dates. As sorry as I was for her I do always get a perverted thrill in hearing other people’s dating misery. What can I say; I’m easilly entertained.
So my expert opinion for her was that the dates were definitely bad because of the dudes — they were lame-o’s. But imagine her surprise when I then told her that in the end, it was her fault.
And that goes for all of you out there who go on continuous runs of bad dates. Maybe you weren’t the one who made them bad, but it’s definitely your fault. Why? Most likely it’s because of your poor selection skills when it comes to accepting who you’ll date. I got news for you: just because someone asks doesn’t mean you have to go out with them.Â
Take me for example. Life is WAY too short to go on bad dates. And yes, I’m not shy in proclaiming that I’m too good for bad dates. Conceited, you say? Maybe. But I’ll hazard to guess that if more people were as selective as me they’d have a lot less dating woes.
I’m of the opinion that, at least in my world, 85% of the population is undateable for one reason or another. That leaves the remaining 15% for me to sift through. But since that’s such a low percentage it means you date a lot less–and THAT’S where people get themselves in trouble.
Some people think dating success is determined by volume. They feel confident if their dating calendar is full. They think if they’re not going on dates then they’re a loser. But the reality is that dating is all about quality not quantity. I’ll take sitting on the couch in my underwear watching Family Guy and eating mac and cheese out of the pan over a bad date any day of the week–and feel totally secure in my dating life doing it. That’s why I don’t have many bad date stories. I go for top shelf. I’m a 15% kinda guy.
Granted women complain about bad dates far more than men, not just because women are normally over-critical than they need to be, but because men are so clueless sometimes that they can’t recognize a bad date if it sucker punched them in the face. And besides, men will tolerate much more punishment on a bad date, especially if the chick is hot or there’s potential to get laid.
So come on people; be a little more selective will ya?!? Don’t just date for dating’s sake. Up your standards a bit or accept less questionable dates and maybe your bad date horror stories will diminish. Sure it won’t be as entertaining for me but if it helps you, what the hell.
Find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.comand make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink and all the other cool sex stuff at NBC’s Better Sex Page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.comÂ
Sex 911: Confessions Of A Serial Dater 
looks like we aren’t as far apart on things as i once thought.
cheers to being super selective! 🙂
You really thought we were far apart on certain issues? That’s news to me 🙂
And yes we both know you’re super selective. VEEEEEEERY selective haha.
Thanks for the comment. Hope you’re well!
I have had some awful dates now that I am back to the dating scene…Everything from Mr. Vito Guns with his over sized arms and ego telling me how to spend my money and who I should and shouldn’t trust (including my mom) on our 1st date to Bicycle Boy telling me about his 2 DUI’s before 20 years old and kissing guys at a gay bar he used to work at….but no worries he’s not gay….Eek! I think people have no sense of 1st date etiquette anymore. Some things are just better left unsaid.
I forgot what it was like and 2 bad dates reminded me that I have standards and I should never lower them. It is a good choice to be picky. I agree with you on rather staying home then going out and having an awful night.
Rae,
Yikes! Sounds like you had some pretty hellish dates there, but fret not; you’re not alone! As for the first date etiquette, don’t stress about that one. As cliche as it sounds, just be yourself! Behave how you normally would if the person was an old friend because if you date the person regularly the real you is gonna come out eventually. Why not be that person from jump street instead of your “representative”? That avoids the whole “hmm she isn’t the girl I first started dating…”
Yes! Be picky! Overly so if you have to. Imagine all the drama that could be avoided!
He’s not gay huh? Well put it this way, you don’t go work at a music store unless you like music. ‘Nuff said 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
I have to disagree when you say that in the end the “bad” dates were your her fault. I mean how do you really know that a date will be bad unless you are physically on one. (unless you have super psychic abilities).
I myself get asked out quite often and will probably say yes to 1-2 out of the 10 men that ask me out and I still get disappointed! So I would have to say that I am very selective with who I decide to go out with, I have to be. My time is precious and I am not going to agree to go out with someone who I don’ t think will be worth my time.
So maybe it is just the luck of the draw and you just have to keep trying your hand until you get a good one. Dating or otherwise.
Colomitalia,
You make a compelling argument but I still have to stand firm on my reasoning. Think about it, if you research a car expensively and find a bunch of flaws in it, yet buy it anyway it’s your fault when it breaks down. The same thing goes for bad dates, but the key phrase in there is “researched it extensively.”
How do you research a potential date, you ask? That’s easy. If you (or anyone) have any sort of conversation skills or experience with dating you just know the things to say, ask, and conversations to have that aid you in the weeding out process. The key is to do it in a way that easilly blends into the conversation without making it look like you’re interviewing the person. I do this with almost every girl I meet, but I do it in my typical fun sarcastic way and she never picks up it–it just seems like normal conversation. Based on her response, answers, demeanor, body language, eye movement, etc. I can decide if she’s datable or not.
THAT’S what the column was about. It was a plea to the daters of the world to learn these weeding out skills that allow you to make a more informed decision in being selective and picky. Being picky or selective simply based on looks or job, or whatever is bush league! So if someone isn’t taking the time to learn these selective skills and end up going on a bad date, yes, it’s their fault.
Now with that being said I’ll get off the soap box and agree with you that yes, I’ve been known to be wrong before. There is a little luck involved. Sometimes a safe falls on your head just because it did. Not because it was your fault
And nice to know you get asked out a lot! Thanks for the comment! 🙂
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