What Your Sex Numbers Say About You

August 18, 2008

Everyone would like to think they’re good in the sack.  I mean, really, who goes bragging that their nickname is Three-Pump Jonny?  (That’s just an example and in NO way meant to be taken seriously, by the way).  Similarly, guys don’t want their girls to be lame in bed either.  You may be thinking, “Not me, pal.  My girlfriend is crazy-freaky in bed, so there!”  If so, kudos; you’re one of the lucky ones.  But before you break your arm patting yourself on the back, riddle me this:  How do you think she got that way?

 

As much as you’d like to think you’re the all-masterful sex teacher that you are, chances are she had a little experience in learning those positions that could make Olympic gymnasts cringe.  Let’s explore further, shall we?

 

The amount of sexual partners you’ve had are your “numbers”.  Everyone’s got ‘em.  It’s your sexual resume, of sorts.  Some think that women with high numbers are sluts and guys with high numbers are players.  Fair labels?  Is there such as a thing as having too high a number?

 

One girl I polled says yes.  When asked what she would think of a 21 year old girl that’s been with 20 guys, she answered in one simple word, “Slut”.  Really?  Fascinating!  So then if 20 is too high a number, what’s the number that separates slut from normal?  10?  15?  She didn’t know, and believe it or not I don’t know either.  Weird, huh?

 

My friend Nicole thinks it’s not a matter of numbers, but a matter of frequency.  She thinks if you have sex with multiple partners in a short span of time, that’s when you approach slut status.  So then what’s the frequency and time span?  She didn’t know, and again I didn’t either.  See how perplexing sex numbers can be?  It’s like you need a physics degree just to have a sex life!

 

Speaking of sluts, what’s the definition of one anyway?  Nicole thinks it’s simply a girl who has high numbers.  I disagree though.  I think a slut is based on behavior, not actions.  A slut is a girl who brags about the sex she has.  It’s the girl who uses sex to get attention.  It’s the girl who you see making out with 6 different guys at the bar in one night.  You know–something you basically see on any given Saturday night at a Lincoln Park bar.  And if that’s you, don’t fret.  I’m not making fun of you.  Be the best slut you can be.  Who am I to judge?

 

So then is it acceptable for men to have higher numbers than women, even at the same age?  Every woman I asked said that although it isn’t fair, it’s acceptable, and actually expected, for men to have higher numbers.  Huh?  How does that even remotely make sense?  As a population wouldn’t male and female numbers generally be the same?  If ours are higher as a whole then doesn’t mean we men are having sex with the same small group of high-numbered women?  That’s just plain wrong on so many levels.  Gotta love the double standard, huh?

 

I guess in the end numbers don’t mean anything because you’ll never get the truth anyway.  Girls always drop their numbers while men always round theirs up.  Why would you purposefully place yourself in the “double condom required” category simply because you confessed your high numbers?  Your numbers are personal.  They’re not for bragging.  Reporting your true numbers will just open yourself up to scrutiny and judgment.  No good can come of it.  It’s like handing Naomi Cambell a cell phone and then daring her to whip it at you.  I think we all know how that would turn out.