Sex in the Firehouse Isn’t Always Hot

April 10, 2008

Remember the firefighter movie Backdraft?  If you ask firefighters which scene stands out the most for them in that movie, the one where Billy Baldwin nails Jennifer Jason Leigh on top of the fire engine would probably be their top three.


Since that iconic scene in cinematic history I wish I had a dime for every girl that’s asked me if I’ve done that – or if I WANT to do that, if you catch my drift.  And since then, many a naughty firefighter have recreated the scene.  If you took one of those C.S.I. blue lights to the hosebeds of fire engines across the country they’d light up like a Christmas tree.


I can attest firsthand that there’s something about having sex in a firehouse, or in a fire truck, that is an aphrodisiac to women.  And there are just as many firefighters who capitalize on it.  I’m not saying me, of course, out of fear of incriminating myself (wink wink, nudge nudge), but I know it happens often.


Hate to be a buzz kill here, but I need to set the record straight on this — sex in the firehouse isn’t very hot.  Yep, you heard me right.  Let’s assess.  Reason #1:  Firehouses are nasty.  Some of the most disgusting buildings I’ve ever been in are firehouses.  Ever seen an apartment or dorm where a bunch of dudes live?  Their standard of clean is pretty different than the general population’s.  And trucks are even nastier.  In Backdraft you’ll notice the hose they were laying on was shiny white and squeaky clean.  In reality, a fire hose is the nastiest mold and dirt-infested filth you can lay your hands on.  I won’t even touch it without gloves on.  I’d rather drink water from a sewer in India.  And have sex on it?  Are you kidding me?!?  Who knows what sort of bio-organism will crawl inside one of my body cavities and start laying eggs in me?  Trust me ladies, you don’t wanna be up there.


Reason #2:  There’s no room.  To many women sex in a fire truck is a huge turn-on.  That’s fine … if you’re a Cirque D Soleil contortionist.  Look inside a fire truck sometime.  There’s like a 2’ x 2’ area to work with.  I dunno about you but I need room to properly get my freak on.  A slipped disc or hernia isn’t worth a little bit of sex no matter how good it is.


Reason #3:  It’ll get you fired.  I personally know firefighters who got canned for having sex on duty.  Tax payers aren’t too wild about the idea of paying you to have sex.  No one cares if a plumber or accountant gets busted having sex on the job, but if it happens in a firehouse it gets plastered all over the news, as was the case recently in Texas when firefighters were busted with a stripper in the firehouse.  I guarantee some heads are gonna role on that one.  Stupid, stupid, stupid! 


So I know the whole “thrill of getting caught” thing can be hot, especially with sex at work.  But there’s a big difference between sneaking in the copy room at your office job and having sex in a firehouse.  Firefighters are supposed to be the good guys — the moral ones, not a bunch of hornballs who can’t get make it through a 24 hour shift without having an orgasm. You’re asking for trouble, and it’s just not as fun as it sounds.  I mean come on, would I rather have sex in a dirty, stinky, cramped firehouse or on my soft king-size bed being as loud as I want with plenty of room for acrobatics?  Boy, let me think… 



You can find out more about Jon at and make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at  You can email Jon at