Through a mixture of experience and conceit I’m pretty sure I got the whole sex and dating thing down pretty well. Even so, every now and then something in the crazy world of sex and dating throws me for a loop. I know…hard to believe, but true.
Here’s the scenario: you have a booty call relationship with someone where they basically come over way after sundown for sex. It’s not JUST sex, mind you. There is a little hanging out, chatting, and catching up before the clothes go a-flyin’. You both know what the relationship is and you’re cool with it. It’s all good, right? Well…
Once in a blue moon one of these people will contact you for a would-be booty call and here’s how the convo goes: Her: “Want some company?” You: “Sure, come on by.” Her: “You sure it’s not too late?” You: Nope, definitely come by” Her: “Ok, just so you know, though, it’s that time of the month.”
That’s what we in the sex and dating biz call false advertising. She used the unwritten protocol of asking if I want company, which in the past with her has ALWAYS meant “do you want me to come over for sex” to corner me into a non-sex hang-out session. She dangled the bait and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Granted they may do this unintentionally with no sinister motives, but it doesn’t make the advertising any less false.
Intentional or not, it’s false advertising because the late-night visit offer after a night out drinking with her friends implies sex. Why? Because every other sexual encounter with her started the exact same way. She drops the time of the month bombshell only after I’m all in. Now I’m obligated; there’s no turning back. If I say, “Oh it is? Umm…well let’s save it for another time then,” then I look like a major a-hole.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like a non-sex visit with them is horrible. In fact it’s cool to hang out with them sometimes — just maybe not THAT night. Maybe I don’t wanna watch a movie. Maybe I don’t wanna have idle chit-chat about how my last shift at the firehouse was. Maybe I was just in the mood for sex. It was the classic bait and switch.
Sure it sounds harsh, but that’s the way the world works…at least the sex and dating world. And for you haters out there, don’t go assuming I expect sex every time a gal drops by. So not true. If a booty call asks on a non-sex occasion to just hang out that’s completely fine. I like chillin’ too. But mention it right away; don’t present the offer similar to every other sexual visit and then drop the no sex disclaimer when it’s too late to back out. It’s like offering me ice cream and when I say, “yes” you say, “well too bad, I don’t have any.”
In corporate America businesses can get sued for false advertising. While I don’t suggest something that harsh where sex is concerned, steps should still be taken to avoid it. Be open and upfront about what the late night visit is about to avoid any drama later. If you’re close enough to have sex with the person then there should be no awkwardness in telling them right away if sex going to be part of the itinerary. That way there’ll be less disappointment, less misunderstandings, and maybe even less lawsuits.
You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.comand make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex. You can email Jon at firstname.lastname@example.org.