What Your Sex Numbers Say About You

August 18, 2008

Everyone would like to think they’re good in the sack.  I mean, really, who goes bragging that their nickname is Three-Pump Jonny?  (That’s just an example and in NO way meant to be taken seriously, by the way).  Similarly, guys don’t want their girls to be lame in bed either.  You may be thinking, “Not me, pal.  My girlfriend is crazy-freaky in bed, so there!”  If so, kudos; you’re one of the lucky ones.  But before you break your arm patting yourself on the back, riddle me this:  How do you think she got that way?


As much as you’d like to think you’re the all-masterful sex teacher that you are, chances are she had a little experience in learning those positions that could make Olympic gymnasts cringe.  Let’s explore further, shall we?


The amount of sexual partners you’ve had are your “numbers”.  Everyone’s got ‘em.  It’s your sexual resume, of sorts.  Some think that women with high numbers are sluts and guys with high numbers are players.  Fair labels?  Is there such as a thing as having too high a number?


One girl I polled says yes.  When asked what she would think of a 21 year old girl that’s been with 20 guys, she answered in one simple word, “Slut”.  Really?  Fascinating!  So then if 20 is too high a number, what’s the number that separates slut from normal?  10?  15?  She didn’t know, and believe it or not I don’t know either.  Weird, huh?


My friend Nicole thinks it’s not a matter of numbers, but a matter of frequency.  She thinks if you have sex with multiple partners in a short span of time, that’s when you approach slut status.  So then what’s the frequency and time span?  She didn’t know, and again I didn’t either.  See how perplexing sex numbers can be?  It’s like you need a physics degree just to have a sex life!


Speaking of sluts, what’s the definition of one anyway?  Nicole thinks it’s simply a girl who has high numbers.  I disagree though.  I think a slut is based on behavior, not actions.  A slut is a girl who brags about the sex she has.  It’s the girl who uses sex to get attention.  It’s the girl who you see making out with 6 different guys at the bar in one night.  You know–something you basically see on any given Saturday night at a Lincoln Park bar.  And if that’s you, don’t fret.  I’m not making fun of you.  Be the best slut you can be.  Who am I to judge?


So then is it acceptable for men to have higher numbers than women, even at the same age?  Every woman I asked said that although it isn’t fair, it’s acceptable, and actually expected, for men to have higher numbers.  Huh?  How does that even remotely make sense?  As a population wouldn’t male and female numbers generally be the same?  If ours are higher as a whole then doesn’t mean we men are having sex with the same small group of high-numbered women?  That’s just plain wrong on so many levels.  Gotta love the double standard, huh?


I guess in the end numbers don’t mean anything because you’ll never get the truth anyway.  Girls always drop their numbers while men always round theirs up.  Why would you purposefully place yourself in the “double condom required” category simply because you confessed your high numbers?  Your numbers are personal.  They’re not for bragging.  Reporting your true numbers will just open yourself up to scrutiny and judgment.  No good can come of it.  It’s like handing Naomi Cambell a cell phone and then daring her to whip it at you.  I think we all know how that would turn out.


Beware of Sexual False Advertising

July 28, 2008

Through a mixture of experience and conceit I’m pretty sure I got the whole sex and dating thing down pretty well.  Even so, every now and then something in the crazy world of sex and dating throws me for a loop.  I know…hard to believe, but true.

Here’s the scenario:  you have a booty call relationship with someone where they basically come over way after sundown for sex.  It’s not JUST sex, mind you.  There is a little hanging out, chatting, and catching up before the clothes go a-flyin’.  You both know what the relationship is and you’re cool with it.  It’s all good, right?  Well…

Once in a blue moon one of these people will contact you for a would-be booty call and here’s how the convo goes:  Her:  “Want some company?”  You:  “Sure, come on by.”  Her:  “You sure it’s not too late?”  You:  Nope,  definitely come by”  Her:  “Ok, just so you know, though, it’s that time of the month.”


That’s what we in the sex and dating biz call false advertising.  She used the unwritten protocol of asking if I want company, which in the past with her has ALWAYS meant “do you want me to come over for sex” to corner me into a non-sex hang-out session.  She dangled the bait and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Granted they may do this unintentionally with no sinister motives, but it doesn’t make the advertising any less false.

Intentional or not, it’s false advertising because the late-night visit offer after a night out drinking with her friends implies sex.  Why?  Because every other sexual encounter with her started the exact same way.  She drops the time of the month bombshell only after I’m all in.  Now I’m obligated; there’s no turning back.  If I say, “Oh it is?  Umm…well let’s save it for another time then,” then I look like a major a-hole.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like a non-sex visit with them is horrible. In fact it’s cool to hang out with them sometimes — just maybe not THAT night.  Maybe I don’t wanna watch a movie.  Maybe I don’t wanna have idle chit-chat about how my last shift at the firehouse was.  Maybe I was just in the mood for sex.  It was the classic bait and switch.

Sure it sounds harsh, but that’s the way the world works…at least the sex and dating world.  And for you haters out there, don’t go assuming I expect sex every time a gal drops by.  So not true.  If a booty call asks on a non-sex occasion to just hang out that’s completely fine.  I like chillin’ too.  But mention it right away; don’t present the offer similar to every other sexual visit and then drop the no sex disclaimer when it’s too late to back out.  It’s like offering me ice cream and when I say, “yes” you say, “well too bad, I don’t have any.” 

In corporate America businesses can get sued for false advertising.  While I don’t suggest something that harsh where sex is concerned, steps should still be taken to avoid it.  Be open and upfront about what the late night visit is about to avoid any drama later.  If you’re close enough to have sex with the person then there should be no awkwardness in telling them right away if sex going to be part of the itinerary.  That way there’ll be less disappointment, less misunderstandings, and maybe even less lawsuits.

You can find out more about Jon at www.jonibrahim.comand make sure to check out his podcasts “The Fireman & the Shrink” and all the other cool sex stuff on NBC’s Better Sex page at www.nbc5.com/bettersex.  You can email Jon at sex911@nbc5.com